THE RUGGED INDIVIDUALIST                     

Jokes

Q. How many Democrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Just one, but it really gets screwed.
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a lawyer?
A: Chelsea.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a prostitute?
A: The prostitute gives value for the money she takes.And won't force you to use her services
-----------------------------------------------------------------



Who's working anyway?

The population of this country is 300 million.
160 million are retired.
That leaves 140 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 55 million to do the work.
Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.
Leaving 15 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama
Bin-Laden.
Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work!
For state and city
governments.
And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And there you are, Sitting on your ass,
At your computer, reading jokes
.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
You Have Two Cows

A DEMOCRAT:  You have two cows.  The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

A Republian:  You have two cows.  The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

A  Libertarian:  You have two cows. You do what you want, they are your cows?

A COMMUNIST:  You have two cows.  The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

A FASCIST:  You have two cows.  The government seizes both and sells you the milk.

CAPITALISM:  You have two cows.  You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. and sell the milk at a competitive price.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:  You have two cows.  The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

FRENCH:  You have two cows.  You go on strike because you want three cows.

JAPANESE:  You have two cows.  You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

GERMAN:  You have two cows.  You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

CHINESE:  You have two cows.  You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.

ARKANSAS:  You have two cows.  That one on the left is kinda cute.

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainouspasture
in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in a Armani suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and
YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,connects it
to a 4g network , and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his
location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area
in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and
exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany ..
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image  has
been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database
through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry
and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-Tech Miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says,
"You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as
the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me bac k my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though
nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew,to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a
Herd of sheep. . . .
Now give me back my dog.


------------------------------------------------------

A liberal came upon a genie and said, "You're a genie. Can you grant me three wishes?" The genie replied, "Yes, but only if you're feeling generous enough to share your good fortune." The liberal said, "I'm a liberal. I'm always happy to share." The genie said, "O.K., then, whatever you wish for, I'll give every conservative in the country two of it. What's your first wish?" "I would like a new sports car." "O.K., you've got it, and every conservative in the country gets two sports cars. What's your second wish?" "I'd like a million dollars." "O.K., you get a million dollars, every conservative gets two million dollars. What's your third and final wish?" "Well, I've always wanted to donate a kidney."
_________________________________

Difference Between business Owners and Democrats

A business Owner and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The business Owner gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.

The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the business Owner pocket and gave the homeless person fifty dollars.